John Cena’s Last Match? By Southern Joe
John Cena’s Last Match?
By Southern Joe
The following is an article done in the style of Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine’s “dream match” articles that they penned in the 1980s.
The idea was to come up with storylines that would lead to matches that would not be conceivable at the time.
The greatest example was during the 80s was when the perennial champ of the WWF, Hulk Hogan, would be pitted in a kayfabe dream encounter with his NWA counterpart, Ric Flair.
At that time, it was very unlikely that they would ever compete in a match given the lack of cross promotion.
Here, for your enjoyment, is an exclusive, fictional article about John Cena’s last ever opponent:
It’s the second last RAW episode before the 2025 version of the WWE PLE “Survivor Series” was to take place. The episode opened to the familiar strains of John Cena’s entrance music. A massive pop reverberated around the arena. Cena grabbed the microphone and waited for the crowd to die down. He had not been in a WWE ring since his match at Summerslam a couple of months ago. The WWE universe knew that Cena’s farewell tour was about to take it’s final curtain call. The tease amongst pundits was, “Who will be John Cena’s last ever opponent?”
Cena started to address this question by rattling off a list of the top names in the WWE. He spoke of both heels and babyfaces.
Some of the audience noticed a man wearing a black hooded sweater jumping the guard rail & into the ring. Thinking this was part of the show, no-one really batted an eyelid. Instead they expected a WWE wrestler to stake their claim. The revelation that the hooded man turned out to be AEW wrestler, MJF, shocked the crowd & left the commentators trying to fathom what wasn’t on their run sheet.
MJF blindsided Cena with stiff working punches, he backed away and then pointed to the big screen. As everyone’s attention turned to the big screen, MJF somehow evaded security and ran through the crowd, who were still shell shocked but turned to the screen as motioned by MJF. It was later revealed that MJF had paid a team of computer geeks a large sum of money to hack the WWE production truck.
MJF appeared on the screen with a message for Cena. His promo went like this:
“John Cena. You have been a champion and a top star for the WWE for a very long time. Congratulations. WWE tech wizards, don’t bother trying to stop this going to air. I have hired a cracked team of computer geeks to make sure this message goes to air. I won’t take much of your time. John Cena, I WANT to be your last opponent. A one-off match on YOUR terms. Triple H, Nick Khan, Tony Khan; MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!! Now, this message is over, go back to your little show.”
No-one knows how to react. The commentators throw to an ad break. When they come back from the break, nothing is said about what went on.
Meanwhile in the Gorilla position backstage, Paul “Triple H” Levesque is on the phone to a confused Tony Khan. Levesque was wanting to know what game Tony was playing, sending his top star to gatecrash RAW. Tony had no idea what Trips was talking about. Mind you, as Trips angrily hung up on Tony, TK’s phone is starting to go ballistic as people are tweeting him clips of what MJF had just done. Tony’s next call was to MJF asking him what kind of stupid stunt he had just pulled & that Triple H thought AEW was behind it.
MJF replied, “Tony. I wanted to create history. Everyone knows I am a generational talent. I am serious about this. I want that last match. I still want to be an AEW wrestler, but for one match I want to be Cena’s last opponent, rather than some WWE schlub that he has already wrestled a million times. Get with WWE people and make this happen. It is for both me AND Cena.”
After a fortnight of back and forth negotiations, Cena and MJF worked out a deal where they could have their match with no undercard but a mega pre-show with special guests performing music & a dual roast. Money was raised for a variety of charities. This event would take place in late December and was endorsed by both WWE and AEW, but neither company would host the show.
The match took place at the Pontiac Silverdome, the site of the famous Wrestlemania 3 and was packed with a capacity crowd. After the pre-show festivities, the USA national anthem was performed by a collaboration featuring Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Jelly Roll, Teddy Swims, Sabrina Carpenter, Dua Lipa with a band that featured Bruce Springsteen, Zac Starkey, Billy Joel and many others.
Finally, the lights went dim and MJF’s music played first. He came out handing a bunch of his signature scarfs to various celebrities in the front row. He played up to the crowd and motioned for Cena to come get some!
Cena’s music then hit to a deafening pop. This was a spectacle no-one could ever had imagined. Cena rushed the ring and the match started. The two traded blows immediately!
The match was physical and made sense. Everything was called in the ring. Both Cena and MJF were to later feature in shoot interviews where they corroberated each other’s story that they did not have any walk throughs or rehearsed “spots”.
MJF looked like ruining Cena’s farewell by connecting perfectly with a GTS finisher. Cena somehow kicked out.
Cena got in two Attitude Adjustments, an FU, and finally cross faced for an STFU and got MJF to tap out. The stadium went into meltdown with a pop that genuinely lasted for 20 minutes. MJF played his heel part by flipping a double bird and leaving the ring, leaving Cena to drink in his final adulation. MJF later revealed that the heel move was his way of deferring to Cena’s final curtain call in such a way that was more kayfabe than shoot.
In Cena’s memoir that he wrote in 2027, MJF penned the foreword, Cena dedicated the last chapter of his book to this match, and was forever in MJF’s debt for creating a lasting image that not even WWE creative could top for an epilogue to his career.
